Could you PLEASE write faster, Mr. Martin?

George R.R. Martin's fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire is certainly an interesting read. Notice how I use, "interesting" in a neutral sense; you're either going to love it or your going to hate it. There are parts of the series that are going to make you go, "WOW", and parts that are going to make you go "WTF". 


A Song of Ice and Fire takes place in a fictional world, on the very cleverly named continents Westeros and Essos (note my sarcasm). There are three main story lines throughout the series. Instead of wasting your precious time trying to explain these three story lines in my own words, I've decided upon a different method. As the great Benjamin Franklin once said, "When in doubt, Wikipedia".


"There are three principal storylines in the series: the chronicling of a dynastic civil war for control of Westeros between several competing families; the rising threat of the Others who dwell beyond an immense wall of ice that forms Westeros' northern border; and the ambition of Daenerys Targaryen, the exiled daughter of a king who was murdered in another civil war fifteen years previously, to return to Westeros and claim her rightful throne"

I've been reading fantasy for as long as I can remember. One thing that really stands out in Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire is the maturity level. When I first picked up A Game of Thrones, the first in the series, I was admittedly intimidated. All the other fantasy novels I'd read had been pretty softcore; no detailed sex scenes involving a dwarf and his prostitute (who he thinks he's in love with). Nor did I find myself reading about two twin brother's and sister's incestuous experiences. While odd at some points, these revealing scenes certainly had the affect of making me feel like I was reading a more mature book. 

Martin's plot is very cleverly designed, and it requires a lot of concentrated reading to make all the connections between the three story lines. A complicated plot, though, requires a lot of characters. Too many. And my good friend Mr. Martin doesn't hesitate to reserve at least one chapter for each and every character he deems worthy (he's a generous man, every character is worthy apparently). The few characters that show up often enough to gain an emotional attachment to are immediately killed. By the end of the fourth book there are eighteen characters that have been the center of a chapter, with eight of them being in only one. There are only two or three characters that live from the first book to the fourth. Without an emotional attachment to any of the extant characters, knowing your favorite character died at the end of the previous book makes it very hard to pick up the next book in the series.

The worst part of the series is probably that I haven't finished it. No, it's not that I'm illiterate and that I'm waiting for the next book on tape to come out, it's that Mr. Martin writes TOO DAMN SLOW! Martin started writing A Song of Ice and Fire in 1991, and the latest book in the series (the fourth), A Feast for Crows, came out in 2005. I check Martin's site every month or so, hoping for some kind of update. Alas, he has not updated his, "A Song of Ice and Fire Update Page" for quite some time; it's been three years, to be exact. I'm starting to worry Martin may, in fact, be dead, and that I'm going to be left hanging for the rest of my life, never knowing what's going to happen. Oh well, at least I got to read about dwarf sex.